“You’ve never been in a relationship before, how do you know?” Something I’ve heard every now and then. Yes, I have never been in a romantic, long term relationship with a man before, but that’s my choice. I could have chosen to have a romantic relationship in the past, but I have just not wanted that. I think that’s partly because I am looking for a deep kind of love or intimacy that I haven’t felt yet. A deep feeling that can be transformed into a relationship. Not just someone to post on social media and say you have a boyfriend. I’m looking for a great love. My high school prom date would have made a supportive boyfriend, but I didn’t have those deep feelings for him, nor did I even know I could have those deep feelings. I don’t do long term attachments, it just has never been my style of dating. I’ve tried people out; you know, gone on dates, had the one-night-stand thing, but I am still figuring out who I am. I’m not ready to figure out a whole other person. Not that I have been, but if I’m in love, I am consumed and obsessed with the other person, and for where I am in my life right now, the only person who deserves my full attention is me. Maybe that sounds self-centered, but I have very rarely put myself first for anything. I have to learn that putting yourself first sometimes isn’t selfish. It’s see care. You can still care about others, while having respect for yourself. I have to give myself the time and care, before I give that to someone else.
When people say I have never had a relationship, they need to think again. I need to come up something to say back to stand up for myself. Because I’m smart. And I have had many relationships throughout my life: family, friendships, teachers, etc. Those all take time and effort to understand the person you are talking to. I haven’t had a long term love, but it’ll come at the right time and I am choosing not to worry about that. I’m a late bloomer; I take my time with things, but that doesn’t mean they will never come.
My favorite quote is, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all, is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous”.
I don’t think I have to say what sex columnist with fabulous fashion sense said that.